Mention the word “prostate” around a group of men, and most of them will automatically think of embarrassing cancer-screening prostate exams performed by a doctor. But the prostate can be so much more fun that that! The prostate is home to a ton of nerve endings, can be a lot of fun to play with, and can create extremely powerful orgasms.
Before we go any further, let me address one common myth about prostate play: it’s not just for gay men. Unfortunately, a lot of heterosexual men feel embarrassed exploring anything butt-related. That taboo has been decreasing over the last few years, but it’s still frustratingly prevalent. Let me be clear: Experimenting with and enjoying any sort of anal stimulation doesn’t say anything about your sexual orientation. All that it means is that you have functioning nerve endings in your body, and you enjoy sensations that feel pleasurable.
If you’re game for having a new experience, here’s everything you need to know about the prostate and how to pleasure it.
What is the prostate, anyway?
The prostate is a small gland in the male reproductive system. It aids in producing and releasing ejaculatory fluid. During arousal, the prostate swells up with fluid, which it eventually expels when a man ejaculates. The prostate is located right below the bladder, and wraps around the urethra. It’s about 1 inch in diameter. The prostate is often referred to as the male G-spot, and in fact, the two structures are homologous. Prostate stimulation can feel very pleasurable, and a lot of men say that orgasms from prostate stimulation are much more intense.
How to find the prostate
You can’t touch the prostate directly, but you can stimulate it through the walls of the rectum. It’s located about 2-4 inches inside the body, on the side of the rectum that’s closest to your abdomen. To find your prostate, you use the same motion you use to find the female G-spot; when you’re lying on your back, insert a finger into your rectum, palm-side up, and make a “come here” motion with your finger. If this position isn’t comfortable, you can try sitting up and bending over. You should be able to feel a walnut-sized gland through the wall of the rectum.
If you’re nervous about exploring your rectum, you can also stimulate the prostate through the perineum (the strip of skin between the testicles and the anus). If you use a good amount of pressure (typically using your knuckle to knead the area is easiest), you should be able to feel pleasurable sensations. It won’t be as intense as exploring internally, since you’ll be stimulating it through more tissue, but it can still feel quite good.
Start exploring your prostate
I recommend exploring your prostate on your own first. If you feel at all squeamish, you can always explore in the shower for easy clean-up. Or you can use an anal douche beforehand, to remove any traces of fecal matter from your rectum. Another option is to use a condom or glove on your finger. But honestly, most people get way more freaked out about the cleanliness issue with anal play than is necessary. As long as you wash your hands afterwards, and don’t move your fingers from an anus to a vagina, you’ll be fine.
Since the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, you’ll need to use lube. I highly recommend a silicone-based lubricant, since they tend to last for a long time and create a nice slick feeling. You can even look for silicone-based lubricants that are especially made for anal play. It’s also a good idea to trim and file your nails beforehand, and ensure you don’t have any hangnails. There’s nothing like a hangnail poking your rectum to ruin the joys of prostate play.
Prostate play typically feels a lot better if you’re already turned on, so start by spending a few minutes on your usual masturbation routine. Once you’re feeling relaxed and excited, take one finger and very slowly insert it into your rectum. Focus on breathing deeply and relaxing your butt muscles. Gently ease your finger in a few inches, until you can feel the prostate through the wall of the rectum. Try exerting some gentle pressure on the prostate, and gradually increase that pressure until you find something that feels good for you.
When you first start stimulating the prostate, you might feel like you need to pee. That’s normal, since the prostate is so close to the urethra and bladder. Sometimes the brain interprets pressure on the prostate as pressure on the bladder. You can ease up on the stimulation, but the feeling of needing to pee should subside with time.
Once you’ve found your prostate, try a few different types of strokes, like side to side, up and down, or kneading. You can also see if you like prostate play on its own, or combined with other kinds of stimulation. A lot of men like combining prostate stimulation with penile stimulation. You can also try simply applying pressure to the prostate, or combining pressure with an in-and-out motion.
Teaching your partner what you like
Once you’re comfortable exploring your prostate on your own, you can get a partner involved too. The same basic set-up guidelines apply, like keeping nails trimmed and using lube. It’s usually easiest to lie on your back, and have your partner sit between your legs or to the side of your hips. If you’re feeling nervous, you can try having your partner exert pressure against your perineum first. Then you can try having your partner explore internally next. Make sure to communicate with your partner about taking it slowly and finding the level of pressure that feels best for you.
As soon as your partner has mastered the basics, you can also try doing a fun tag-team with your partner, where they finger your prostate and you jack yourself off. Or they can finger your prostate while also giving you a handjob or blowjob at the same time.
Taking it to the next level
If you’re enjoying prostate play, you can take it one step further by incorporating toys. There’s one golden rule for any toy that goes in your butt: make sure it has a flared base! This means that the base of the toy is wider than the part that you’re inserting into your butt. Your anal sphincters are quite strong, and can pull in toys that don’t have this safety feature. Both LELO and Aneros have great lines of prostate toys.
You can also use prostate stimulation to explore having orgasms independently from ejaculation. I wrote a separate article about this technique here. This can be an awful lot of fun, and a great reward for exploring your prostate.