It’s essential to build solid bonds with your team, but defining areas of respect, authority and productivity can be challenging when navigating the line between “boss and friend”.
The idea of friendship applies as much to our personal lives as it does to our professional ones. Having friends in the workplace makes you more engaged and happy. In fact, it is so important, that 10% of US employees have left a job because a friend did, and 66% of British workers say having a friend increases job satisfaction.
Over half (57%) of UK employees also say that having a “best friend” at work makes their job more enjoyable, increasing their productivity and creativity.
The benefits of having friends at work speak volumes, but how do you navigate the fine line of being a friend, who also has to set boundaries as a boss?
Should Managers Be Friends with Employees?
The modern workplace is vastly different from what it used to be. Today it’s not uncommon for the founder of a start-up to be younger than some of the team members he or she manages. Job promotions can place one peer in charge of a group of others. Many new managers find their transition from work friend to boss is one of their biggest hurdles.
“As a manager, it is important to get to know all your direct reports and show interest, care and concern for all team members equally. There are commercial as well as human reasons for this. Also, in a work environment, it can be the team members who are actually most different to you that are your most valuable, as they provide you with alternative thinking and/or challenge which drives a better outcome. Therefore, valuing, trusting and treating all team members equally is important to enable a team to perform at its true potential.”
– Lucinda Pullinger, Global Head of HR at the Instant Group
The good news is that navigating the boss-friend dynamic needn’t be as tricky as you think. Experienced managers who have been in this position have invaluable advice to offer:
The Rise of Workplace Friendships
It seems that for many employees, making work friends and becoming more familiar with their managers is already the norm. A 2020 UK study showed that 76% of employees have a positive relationship with their immediate boss, and 77% report the same with their colleagues. There are similar trends in the US, where a survey revealed that 68% of workers have their boss’s personal phone number. Not only that, but 60% had met their boss’s significant other, 24% had visited their boss’s home, and 38% had asked their boss for advice on personal matters. When it comes to social media connections, 32% of these workers confirmed they are friends with their boss on Facebook; meanwhile, 9% follow each other on Instagram and just 4% on Snapchat.
Benefits of Friends at Work
Employee performance is significantly enhanced when co-workers develop a strong friendship. As a boss, there are benefits to becoming closer to your employees:
- Increased trust: Knowing an employee well can translate to increased levels of trust and understanding in the workplace.
- Loyalty: Strong bonds outside of work can forge an increased sense of loyalty at work.
- Support: A mutual friendship makes it easier to ask for help, can increase knowledge sharing and improve confidence.
- Better communication: Maintaining communication within a friendship can translate into better communication professionally too.
- Happiness: Being friends and forming bonds with employees enables you to speak freely, share frustrations and successes, and generally increase feelings of happiness.
Despite these benefits, transitioning from friend to boss still brings about changes in the relationship that need to be acknowledged by both parties.
Transitioning from Friend to Boss
Here are some common pitfalls for new managers to avoid.
- Inconsistency: It’s tough stepping in to reprimand a friend, but it’s important to maintain consistency and apply the same rules and standards to all employees.
- Taking sides: Jumping to the defence of a friend is easy to do, but as the boss, it’s your responsibility to be as impartial as possible and look at the whole picture before making decisions.
- Resentment: Other colleagues may find it hard to respect your new position and test the boundaries. It’s important to communicate and ensure you both know what the boundaries are.
- Oversharing: As the boss, you should be able to speak freely and share frustrations with friends but beware of oversharing sensitive company information. Employees don’t need to know every problem the company experiences.
- Blaming: Having friends at work you can trust is great for support, but don’t take their friendship for granted by taking out frustrations on them in the hopes that they can take it better than employees you aren’t as close with.
- Exhaustion: it can become emotionally draining to maintain the care-free friend persona while juggling stress, other work relationships and valuable business goals.
10 Ways to Be the Boss and a Friend
- Talk about the ‘power shift’: Be open about the changing dynamics. Don’t assume the uneasiness will disappear if you ignore it, or that the change in roles will naturally balance themselves out.
- Be fair: You don’t have to downplay your friendships with employees, but do be sensitive to the feelings of other staff members. Stay consistent in your treatment of everyone so that no one feels like favouritism is an issue.
- Get to know all your employees: Personal preferences shouldn’t get in the way of building good relationships with all your employees. Make an effort to get to know everyone.
- Avoid gossip: Gossip between colleagues is one thing but as the boss, it’s your job to avoid this completely and know when to step away or speak up.
- Find someone else to talk to: It goes without saying that as the boss, you’re privy to more information than anyone else. Avoid the temptation to share too much information with your work friends. Instead, find a suitable colleague to discuss relevant matters with. You can also speak to a neutral party, like a mentor who has no ties to your organisation.
- Be okay with not being liked: You’re not always going to be popular and that’s something you have to accept. Resolve conflict where you can but always remember that it’s up to you to make the tough decisions.
- Don’t always take yourself too seriously: Just because you’re the boss it doesn’t mean you can’t take some downtime with your team to unwind and relax. Working with people you respect, and who respect you back, will ensure that socialising and friendships are easy to separate from working relationships.
- Mind your language: It’s easy to fall into “friend mode” with employees you’re close to, but remember at work it’s important to also command respect, so you must find a balance.
- Hire the right people: Invest in a solid recruitment strategy to find potential hires that fit your company culture. Employ people who naturally understand and can navigate the line between friend and boss without pushing the boundaries. Look for employees who can respect you while still feeling comfortable enough to speak openly to you.
- Don’t cross the line: Be aware that not every employee will want the same dynamic or be comfortable with a more familiar relationship.
A good workplace is one that provides a supportive environment with constructive relationships. With a strong sense of boundaries and mutual respect, it is possible to be a great boss while maintaining friendly relationships with your employees.
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